Fairview Cult Bulletin

This is one of the very few unprinted Fairview Paper articles that was submitted

Satanic Point
written by Victor Cross

This summer I bought a season pass to Ceder Point. It was about ninety dollars and worth it. I only went about ten times but 5 of the times snuck like three or four of my friends in by pressing our hands together after getting them stamped (this is very easy). After a while the rides get boring, even the ripcord (which in case you don't know what it is, it's a bungii jumping ride) wasn't that exciting. Bobby and I and another kid went on it. We asked the guy if we were going to get a spiritual awakening from it. (people usually do from these types of rides.) The guy said he didn't know. We were also curious why the uniform he was wearing had a pentagram on it which would suggest that he worshiped the devil. When asked this he just shrugged and said "this is what they make us wear". I don't think the guy liked us too muych. After all was said and done the ride was a big dissapointment and we didn't even get a spiritual awakening. Oh well, I guess it kind of firuges when you've got a bunch of pagens running the ride. Aside from the ripcord, the rest of the park is just rides and lines. Long lines. You've got to come up with something to do to keep yourself occupied in line, otherwise you just get bored. Bobby came up with the game Guess my Name Fool! This is where you get in a line and as soon as you've been waiting a couple minutes you yell out "My name is so and so" and then you tell everyone to remember that because they will be quized later. You then let that settle and then a couple minutes later you take a dollar bill and hold it in the air and yell "Guess my name fool!" and whoever yells your name old enough to mke a spectical out of him or herself gets the dollar. Pretty soon people start recognizing you later on in the day and you become a celebrity. Bobby and I played this game a lot. Later on that day Bobby and I were buying food and there were these kids in front of us one was wearing a 311 shirt and the other was wearing a shirt that said "I only do what the voi es in my head tell me to do" So I got up behind him and said "This is the voice in your head! Give the kid behind you all the money you have!" He didn't say anything back so I got behind the 311 kid and told him I was the voice in his head and then started making fun off 311 and saying what a crappy band they were. To this he replyed whatever dude and then walked away with his friend. Some other fun things that we did in line were we let the line in front uf usmove forward and we would just stay where we were. Then wen we had enough room or until enough people got pissed at us we would play a game of leap frogdown the line. Also in lines that had music we would start dancing. Bobby had a little disco thing going for him when the DJbusted out Staying Alive. Anyways after a funfilled day of playing guess my name fool, dancing, and pissing off 311 fans all for free because none of us paid for admission, we left the park and one of my friends got hit by a car in the parking lot. At first he didn't seem to be inujured too badly but then when he saw all the blood he fell down and lied on the ground until the ambulance got there. We then got into my friends van (the brother of the kid who got hit) and went to the hospital. Bobby rode shotgun in the ambulance. When we exited the park there was a big accident between one car and the ambulance that my friend was in. When we got to the hospital, we stayed there till 3:30 AM and my friend got 12 stiches. Oh yeah, when we got there, that pagen from the ripcord ride - with the pentagram on his shirt - was there. We then had an hour drive home and when we got home it was starting too get light out. All in all it was a strange experience and I thought it could be God punishing us for sneaking in. But that didn't phase us much becuas eabout a muth later, Bobby, Edmond Freeze, Dan and Myself snuck in again. Dn and Edmond hadn't been with us the last time so sneaking in was a new experience to them. The esecond we walked in to the park Edmond got on top of a trash can and yelled "I'm Edmond Freeze spreadin my disease!", then he ran up to an employee working at some cheap hat store and told him how we snuck in. He thought it was cool but we still rushed Edmond out of there pretty fast when he got on the phone with management. I knew it was going to be a good day. During the begining of the day we started dancing in acouple of lines but the real fun didn't sart until the Mean Streak line. We had a nice hour long wait ahead of us and plent of room. In the middle of the line Edmond started drinking his own blood. Or at least he was pretending to. He really made it look realistinc seeing as he just had a red icee. He used this knife necklace to make it look like he was slicing his wrist. This got people very mad (especially after he had done it like 50 times) and wehn the rain started coming down people got more mad because they had to stop the ride. This is when Edmond starting doing his titty dance and calling himself "The Lord" and yelling profanities in this hick voice. Bobby and I were cheering him on. After a while some one went to tell on us and when we finlly left everyone cheered. After Edmond had changed his shirt so that people wouldn't recogonize him we started going again. The next ride we went to was the Mantis. In the line they played stupid music and when we got on this bridge that's in the line, we tried to shake it enough to tip it. It didn't tip. We then started dancing to the song "I only wanted to be with you" by Hootie and the Blowfish. We all hated the song so we danced really stupid. Edmond did this cool belly flop dance move. When the song was over these two girls were cheering at us. We later talked to them before we got of the ride. The talkative annoying one was Allyson, and edmond was with here for the rest of the night, while dan hooked up with the cute interesting one. Dan was happy. Months later Dan and Bobby went to visit these girls down in Columbus and thats who the whole "Satan called our hotem room" story started. I'll have road trip one and two reprinted for those who forgot with newupdated material. Anyway we started walking then begain playing a new game called spot the goth monster. This game can be aplied anywhere (malls, schools, on the street, etc.) Basically what it is is when your walking around and you see a goth, spot that goth! Make sure you note the positon of the goth so your friends know who your talking about. For exampleyou see a goth right in front of you. You yell "Goth monster twelve o' clock." Make sure the goth can hear you when you yell this. Also make sure he sees you pointing at him. Otherwise the game won't be fun. Also don't worry about the Goth coming over to beat you up or anything. The most you'll get out of them is the typical Goth toungue. This is because Goths are mostly pansies and tghey have very low self esteem. A goth with a bad temper is very rare. So although they looks cary and all, they are probably the least threatining type of person. So back to the game. After the goth sees you pointing at him, start singing the song Bella Lagos is dead by Bauhaus. This is like that national anthem for goths. If you don';t know this song, any Marily Manson song will do. After you sing this the goth will sometimes come and talk to you or he'll just look at you uncomfortably. When he comes and talks to you he usually won't have much to say because he's only a goth. Anyhow it's a fun ame. We pointed and yelled at these 4 goths that were like two feet in front of us. Like 3 of them were wearing the Crow t-shirts. They were nice and talked to us, because Edmond was dresed like a goth that day. We ddin't talk to them that long, because they were boikng and kind of smelled funny. The girls left before the lazer light show, but the gave Dan and edmond their addresses and phone numbers. Later we got kicked out of the lazer light show because we were dancing too violently, taking our clothes off, and dancing on trash cans. So we all went to an arcade, but that didn't last to long because we got kicked out for trying to tip over the zippo machine, to get a free lighter. Then when we nearly got kicked out of the park, we went to Denny's to celebrate a day well spent.
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This article has been made available by Number 3 of the Fairview Cult. We hope you were entertained in class by this article. When you're done with it you should give it to someone else to read. By next week, the reprinted Road Trip article should be out with all new first hand information If you have any ghost stories, wierd storys, funny stories, cult experiences, information on how to get free stuff, ways to make money quick, or anything else entertaining, give it to a cult member to be printed. Or send to the PO box. Hypnosis party this summer, we'll have fliers posted but right now we're looking for people that can do Hypnosis, tarot cards, palmreadings, etc... Tell a cult member. We'll have bands playing too. Write To: Fairview Cult PO Box 26263 Fairview Park, Ohio 44126 If anyone has it, I need Important info #2. I'll buy it for $2.00. Number three