WARNING THIS FAIRVIEW CULT BULLETIN MAY ONLY BE READ BY CULT MEMBERS. IF YOU ARE NOT A FAIRVIEW CULT MEMBER PUT THIS PAPER DOWN RIGHT NOW. WE KNOW WHO YOU ARE. NON-CULT MEMBERS ARE NOT ALLOWED TO READ THIS BULLETIN. IT DOES NOT MATTER IF SOME ONE GAVE YOU THIS AND TOLD YOU TO READ IT, YOU ARE NOT ALLOWED SO DON'T.
Hello Fairview Cult Member Number Four here. Fellow members, I am sorry you had to read the above text but it was necessary so that non-cult people, aka non cult members, could not read our secret cult secrets. Very few people know what really happened to the student newspaper Fairview News. It is time now that I tell you the truth.
FAIRVIEW NEWS
At the end of the second semester, LD, the editor of FN, came to the Fairview Cult to ask if one of his writers could do a story on us. He asked me, Fairview Cult Member Number Four. Well I tentatively agreed and LD's writer, Ian McDonald, went ahead and wrote the article. When I mentioned to Number 1 and Number 2 that I had given permission to the Fairview News to write the article, Number 1 and Number 2 weren't happy at all. The leaders of the Fairview Cult, The Boss,Number 1, Number 2, Number 3, and I had a meeting with LD to discuss the article about to be published. LD really wanted it to be published and argued that I had already given permission. The leaders were getting no where and were forced to use Brainwash Technique L. This particular one was supposed to make LD forget the article ever existed. Instead, it made LD forget that Fairview News ever existed and made him sign over all right s of the Fairview News to the Fairview Cult. Because I got the Fairview Cult into all of this, I had to get the Fairview Cult out. So I explained the story to the writers but they didn't buy it. They all quit and I made one last issue out of submitted articles. It wasn't very good, so I decided to just leave it there. So ends the Fairview News. I am sorry about the what happened to the Fairview News. But, there are a couple of to-be-published articles that are okay and that I will put in the Fairview Cult Bulletin. Here is one of the by Carl Maynard:
MONEY MAKING SCHEMES
If you are like me, you are always broke two days after you get your paycheck and you have to wait 12 more days to get another one. However, you don't have to be broke all the time. There are plenty of good ways to make good money when you're broke.
1. Coupons - People are always looking to save money. What you can do is sell them coupons. For example, if you have a $2 off coupon, sell it for 50 cents. They are still saving $1.50. Or you can sell them for the 1/20 cent price. Just go into Best Buy or something and steal a big stack of ads. Thats 500 x .05 cents which is 25 cents per coupon in the ad.
2. Payphones - This is easy. Just stand outside the theater and say "May I please have 35 cents?" I need to callhome for a ride." They will give you the money, too. Everyone can spare 35cents. Also, you wont see them same people twice, because they will be in the movie for 2 hours. Well, maybe they will notice you if they were checking you out before the movie, so maybe they would give you more money. You can make at least $5.00 on a good night.
3. Ask for pennies - They are small, useless, and everyone has them. Just ask if you can have some pennies. People will gladly give them to you. My friend said he did it at lunch and he made $1.30 in half hour.
4. Give a penny, take a penny - Someone gave a penny so you can take it. Just walk in and out and take the whole thing. Then get out before they yell. If they do, just put back one penny.
5. Door to door - Just ask for a dollar from people. There are nice people who are more than willing to help you out. If you ask 100 people you could make a lot of money.
Keep your eyes open for more ideas on how to make money. If
you have any ideas, send them to Fairview News FAIRVIEW
CULT. I will be sure to include them if they work.
-Carl Maynard.
Okay Number 4 back again. Well there aren't anymore old Fairview News articles I want to put in right now. But I will remind you why people should fear the Fairview Cult:
1. Not only are we a cult, but we are a cult in the nice suburban town of Fairview Park, Ohio
2. We are more than a cult. We are a messed up cult. You see most normal cults make all of the members give all of their money to the leader. In the Fairview Cult, the leaders spend their money on the members. YOU GET STUFF FOR FREE when you are in the Fairview Cult.
3. We have a lot of members. A LOT of members.
4. We take over and merge with other dangerous and threatening groups and organizations. For example the Fairview Cult now owns The Suburban Mafia( with ofcourse the We Care program), The Fairview Paper and its creator Bobby Fergeson, the NSO(New Suburban Order), and one of the Fairview Cult's most recent aquisition, The Fairview News.
5. We have five good reasons to fear the Fairview Cult.
---Not much room left. So thank you Carl Maynard for the Money Making Article and if you have money making ideas you can send them in too. We have a PO box send your ghost stories, weird stories, funny stories, and cult stories to PO Box 26263/Fairview Park, OH/44126. Also lookout for the Hypnosis show, it will be awsome. Cult members get special bonuses. Until next time.
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